So I was looking at some past archives of email and stumbled across this one dated 3/16/12 and came across an email from the casting crew @ Extreme Weight Loss
Thanks again for everything!
The EMWLE Casting Team
I remember this night. I was with a friend of mine at a local bar watching the Michigan State Spartans in the national Championship for NCAAB. I was a nervous wreck. I was constantly looking at my phone or looking to see if a new email came in because I was in the final stages of the Casting Process for Extreme Weight Loss TV Show. I had gone through the open casting process and then moved on from round to round. That night I would have a huge set of emotions that I really don’t think I’ll ever be able to truly explain. It made me psst. I blogged about it. Not an extreme bashing of the show but I was just mad at the process. I had tried again the following year and made it to call backs again but didn’t hear anything after that.
I was devastated. I was looking at This show but more importantly Chris Powell as filling the void of a past mentor.
You see when I was younger I had a person that wanted to help me, not just me but many others. His name “Larry Coker” Larry had lost a significant amount of weight and I mean a significant amount. He wanted to do good and I believe his intentions were good. He mentored a bunch of us kids that were young and obese. Them fame set in. A possible radio gig and a book deal was looming and Larry stopped showing up to weekly meetings. We’re all on the news, when on Kelly & Company (local Detroit TV Talk Show) Us kids were really involved in this. We had no idea of his motives at the time.
I had lost about 70lbs and was getting noticed by my peers in school, I was moving faster and able to do more things on the ball field, baseball was and will always be my love. Bust when he stopped showing up there was nothing else that could feel the void.
I believe I still hold this grudge after all this time. Why? There was never an apology. He had to have others say sorry Larry had other obligations and couldn’t make this weeks meeting. In fact I don’t even know what happened to him and for some reason often times I wonder.
The reason I’m saying all this is. I feel some of this contributes to my weight. I’m afraid of success because I don’t want to be “Larry Coker”
I can lose weight. I’ve proven that to myself many times, but when I start reaching and coming close to goals that lead to a form of success, I bounce. I sabotage the thing. Kinda like what was done to me when I was younger.
Now some of you will say “Jess, You’re full of shit” “All of this is inside your head.” My rebuttal to that is you’re right. This is in my head. As much as there are things in others heads that cause them to be alcoholics, or addicted to drugs. It’s a disease. Let’s not get obesity twisted. However I do have the choice to fix it.
I’ve never been able to rise above this. It’s a constant struggle. I have plans that I will be the mentor that this man could not be. Giving the opportunity I will help kids looking for an answer, I will help people, I will not give up on them. It’s too important.
This post is my promise that when I become the success story instead of the statistic, I will be in anyone’s corner that needs me. Present time as well.