Extreme Weight Loss

Extreme Weight LossSo I was looking at some past archives of email and stumbled across this one dated 3/16/12 and came across an email from the casting crew @ Extreme Weight Loss

We just wanted to take a moment to say THANK YOU for applying for Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition.  At this time all of our finalists have been notified.  We wish you the BEST OF LUCK ON YOUR WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY…WITH OR WITHOUT CHRIS’ GUIDANCE, with one small change each day moving forward, you can succeed in meeting your goals – YOU ARE WORTH IT! 
Thanks again for everything!
The EMWLE Casting Team

I remember this night. I was with a friend of mine at a local bar watching the Michigan State Spartans in the national Championship for NCAAB. I was a nervous wreck. I was constantly looking at my phone or looking to see if a new email came in because I was in the final stages of the Casting Process for Extreme Weight Loss TV Show. I had gone through the open casting process and then moved on from round to round. That night I would have a huge set of emotions that I really don’t think I’ll ever be able to truly explain. It made me psst. I blogged about it. Not an extreme bashing of the show but I was just mad at the process. I had tried again the following year and made it to call backs again but didn’t hear anything after that.

I was devastated. I was looking at This show but more importantly Chris Powell as filling the void of a past mentor.

You see when I was younger I had a person that wanted to help me, not just me but many others. His name “Larry Coker” Larry had lost a significant amount of weight and I mean a significant amount. He wanted to do good and I believe his intentions were good. He mentored a bunch of us kids that were young and obese. Them fame set in. A possible radio gig and a book deal was looming and Larry stopped showing up to weekly meetings. We’re all on the news, when on Kelly & Company (local Detroit TV Talk Show) Us kids were really involved in this. We had no idea of his motives at the time.

I had lost about 70lbs and was getting noticed by my peers in school, I was moving faster and able to do more things on the ball field, baseball was and will always be my love. Bust when he stopped showing up there was nothing else that could feel the void.

I believe I still hold this grudge after all this time. Why? There was never an apology. He had to have others say sorry Larry had other obligations and couldn’t make this weeks meeting. In fact I don’t even know what happened to him and for some reason often times I wonder.

The reason I’m saying all this is. I feel some of this contributes to my weight. I’m afraid of success because I don’t want to be “Larry Coker”

I can lose weight. I’ve proven that to myself many times, but when I start reaching and coming close to goals that lead to a form of success, I bounce. I sabotage the thing. Kinda like what was done to me when I was younger.

Now some of you will say “Jess, You’re full of shit” “All of this is inside your head.” My rebuttal to that is you’re right. This is in my head. As much as there are things in others heads that cause them to be alcoholics, or addicted to drugs. It’s a disease. Let’s not get obesity twisted. However I do have the choice to fix it.

I’ve never been able to rise above this. It’s a constant struggle. I have plans that I will be the mentor that this man could not be. Giving the opportunity I will help kids looking for an answer, I will help people, I will not give up on them. It’s too important.

This post is my promise that when I become the success story instead of the statistic, I will be in anyone’s corner that needs me. Present time as well.


Finding The Answer (Getting Serious About Getting Serious)

I’ve posted many times how I’ve failed and all that bull shit. I struggle all the time trying to figure out why I’m this way. I don’t mean for all you smart asses out there saying “you eat too much” What I mean is the simple fact that I can’t come to terms with why I’m treating myself this way. It truly is a disease. I’ve made excuses my whole life. I’ve tried to make promises that I could never keep. I’ve set goals that I never seem to obtain. To myself I’m a failure. The only thing in my life that I’ve ever gotten right is my beautiful wife and little angel Shelby. Why should they have to put up with my actions. Why should they put up with me being a ticking time bomb. What if my promise to get healthy was for them would that help or would I just fail on them like I have myself. We all know that only I can do this. I have to make the right choices. I’m the one that puts the food in my mouth. I’m the one that chooses to go to the gym and workout.

I beat myself up because I always want an answer. I always want to know why. So much so that I beat it till it’s blowing dust….lmao (made ya think for a min right?) But I’ve never been able to find the Y in Jess. I’ve never been able to find the answer. None of y0u can answer this for me, only me. You can all have your say or opinions but nope, not even a doctor can right a script for this disease. The answer my friend is in me.

It’s time to get serious about getting serious. It’s time for me to find the answer. Then and only then will I beat OBESITY.

So with that being said, I’m starting all over. Back to 0 pounds lost. This is my last attempt at getting it right. This is now my journey to find the answer.

STAY TUNED,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,