Extreme Weight Loss

Extreme Weight LossSo I was looking at some past archives of email and stumbled across this one dated 3/16/12 and came across an email from the casting crew @ Extreme Weight Loss

We just wanted to take a moment to say THANK YOU for applying for Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition.  At this time all of our finalists have been notified.  We wish you the BEST OF LUCK ON YOUR WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY…WITH OR WITHOUT CHRIS’ GUIDANCE, with one small change each day moving forward, you can succeed in meeting your goals – YOU ARE WORTH IT! 
Thanks again for everything!
The EMWLE Casting Team

I remember this night. I was with a friend of mine at a local bar watching the Michigan State Spartans in the national Championship for NCAAB. I was a nervous wreck. I was constantly looking at my phone or looking to see if a new email came in because I was in the final stages of the Casting Process for Extreme Weight Loss TV Show. I had gone through the open casting process and then moved on from round to round. That night I would have a huge set of emotions that I really don’t think I’ll ever be able to truly explain. It made me psst. I blogged about it. Not an extreme bashing of the show but I was just mad at the process. I had tried again the following year and made it to call backs again but didn’t hear anything after that.

I was devastated. I was looking at This show but more importantly Chris Powell as filling the void of a past mentor.

You see when I was younger I had a person that wanted to help me, not just me but many others. His name “Larry Coker” Larry had lost a significant amount of weight and I mean a significant amount. He wanted to do good and I believe his intentions were good. He mentored a bunch of us kids that were young and obese. Them fame set in. A possible radio gig and a book deal was looming and Larry stopped showing up to weekly meetings. We’re all on the news, when on Kelly & Company (local Detroit TV Talk Show) Us kids were really involved in this. We had no idea of his motives at the time.

I had lost about 70lbs and was getting noticed by my peers in school, I was moving faster and able to do more things on the ball field, baseball was and will always be my love. Bust when he stopped showing up there was nothing else that could feel the void.

I believe I still hold this grudge after all this time. Why? There was never an apology. He had to have others say sorry Larry had other obligations and couldn’t make this weeks meeting. In fact I don’t even know what happened to him and for some reason often times I wonder.

The reason I’m saying all this is. I feel some of this contributes to my weight. I’m afraid of success because I don’t want to be “Larry Coker”

I can lose weight. I’ve proven that to myself many times, but when I start reaching and coming close to goals that lead to a form of success, I bounce. I sabotage the thing. Kinda like what was done to me when I was younger.

Now some of you will say “Jess, You’re full of shit” “All of this is inside your head.” My rebuttal to that is you’re right. This is in my head. As much as there are things in others heads that cause them to be alcoholics, or addicted to drugs. It’s a disease. Let’s not get obesity twisted. However I do have the choice to fix it.

I’ve never been able to rise above this. It’s a constant struggle. I have plans that I will be the mentor that this man could not be. Giving the opportunity I will help kids looking for an answer, I will help people, I will not give up on them. It’s too important.

This post is my promise that when I become the success story instead of the statistic, I will be in anyone’s corner that needs me. Present time as well.


Personal Trainer Food – Week One

Personal Trainer Food - Week One

Personal Trainer Food – Week One

I have to admit. I do very well with structure. I do well with a plan and not when I have to plan in the moment when it comes to food. That’s why I have fallen in love with Personal Trainer Food in just one week. There’s been a lot of times in the past that I’ve thought I found something that would work and I will admit a lot of the times I vanished from the scene of the crime and a lot of the damage was done on my own doing. I couldn’t sustain shakes. I sustained #NSNG (No Sugar No Grains) but found myself in a predicament when my work schedule and routine changed over a year ago when I started The job at Stewart. This however is real food. Real food that I get to eat. Not processed. When this 50lb boxed of food showed up I felt overwhelmed and I thought what did I get myself into. Now I look at it like this is what 28 days of food is supposed to look like. Then I imagined 28 days divided by 7 days divided by 2-3 pizza’s a week and the rest of the days finding something to eat and not only sabotaging myself but also my wife and family. Personal Trainer Food gives me more flexibility than I could have ever hoped for. It has been my routine and it has been my fuel (literary)

Personal Trainer food makes really good food. I think that’s why I’m stoked about this journey. If I didn’t like the food, you all know I would be the first person to tell you. When it comes to my opinion and my review on something they’re my own. I do not sugar coat anything. Class example is that shake thing I was doing. I’m very honest and this company is class act in the only short one week period that make me feel wanted and appreciated and they genuinely want to see me succeed and I want nothing more to succeed with them.

As I mentioned in a earlier post. I’m sticking to my guns and will not show my weight loss till the month has passed and going forward I will be doing monthly weigh ins. I’ve also added a Starting pic from Xmas showing me at the 561lbs mark and will upload progress pics as I see fit.

My wife, work, friends, family are all supportive of this full effort to really preaching my motto. I mean I put it on a t-shirt didn’t I. Life will always give you hurdles and obstacles that you have to maneuver around. Over, under & so on. Instead of crying about it. Do something about it. Get mad. I’m mad, Because all those pains and issues should be the reason not the excuse for why you’re doing what you do.

I ask that all of you really follow me on this one. Check in with me. Ask me how I’m doing. My mind is good now. As I talk about things going forward on this journey, I’m going to get personal with myself.

A lot of people think that it can be so easy to lose the weight and I think a lot of those people are the ones that never had to face 561lbs in the mirror. I have monsters hidden that no one or only very few even know about. So forgive me if in my posts in the future I bring up some of my past. I’m only doing it to help me and make those around me understand what it’s truly like being me. I’ll let you step in my shoes but you’ll never fill them.

Happy Holiday’s

happy holiday'sJust wanted to post real quick Happy Holiday’s to everyone and  that Christmas has always been one of my favorite holidays. Spending time with family & good friends is good for the soul. The girls had a great Christmas and We enjoyed spending the day with Amy’s (Wife) family. Looking forward to getting together with my side of the family next weekend.

I’m looking forward to next year and what the new year brings. I’ve made a decision to attend FitBloggin this year where I haven’t been the past 2 conferences. I’m also looking forward to jumping on the Personal Trainer Food Recon Program and my food should be here a week from today. Stay tuned to that as I’ll be documenting the whole process and giving you all my thoughts. I really think it’s going to kick-start my routine.

Everyone knows I can lose weight even myself. I’ve done it time and time again. My issue is that when success hits I find an excuse to ruin all my hard work. My goal for 2016 is to learn someway some how to fight through that. FitBloggin is 7 months away and my goal is to be 399lbs when that time arrives. I won’t say my current weight just yet as I’m putting all that together for PTF Recon program and tracking my progress.

I wish everyone a very happy holiday and an exciting new year.

New Job, Stress, & Getting Back On Track

So to give everyone a much needed update. It’s been awhile and I feel awful about it. I’ve taken a new job with a new company. After a long 9+ years with the same company, I’ve decided that it was time to move on. I had to do what was best for me and most importantly for my family.

I’ve been working a lot lately and the stress levels have made it difficult for me to stay totally on track. As much as I try to preach my quote” Stop making life the excuse, make life the reason” it can be followed all the time with some exceptions. We’re all human and there’s just times that if not totally 100% perfect, you still have to remember what’s important.

I worked a total of 112 hours in about 7 days. Yes you read that correctly. with driving back and forth to work, stopping for a break here and there and to eat and not always the best choices it didn’t leave much room for quality sleep if any at all.

The gym routine that I’ve been so passionate about has been put on the back burner because of this too. But this is only temporary and then it’s back to what this blog is all about & what this mission is all about.

I had a moment when I wasn’t sure that I made the right decision, I have to admit it was only a moment. It was out of pure frustration, I kept my composure and knew that the people that put me in the position I was in at that moment needed me. I wasn’t going to let them down. It’s not what I’m about. I didn’t let life get in the way, I didn’t make life the excuse to up and quit right then and there.

That my friends is progress in it’s own, and for that I’m very proud.

Learning more and more about yourself in a journey like this make all the hurdles more important.

more to come. Hope everyone had a safe and exciting 4th.


My Weight Loss Journey on No Sugar No Grains

I’ve had more of them bad then good. I have been known in my past weight loss journey to be the constant one to abandon any type of success that I get. I’ve also been known to use the excuse that life just gets in the way.

I have a history with losing weight. One that stems to the good old fashion shake diets to the fad diets to the commercial diets. There’s a few that I’ve passed on but most of them I’ve dabbled in from time to time. Trying to tweak and find what works for me.

no sugar no grains A few years ago I would be introduced by Jessica Gottlieb (Professional Mommy Blogger) to Vinnie Tortorich (Celebrity Trainer) who preaches No Sugar No Grains on his Podcast. I talked about my struggles with my weight and how it affected my life and how I wanted change. He and his Co-host Anna Vocino both new that what I was doing wasn’t going to work. To be honest so did I but I wasn’t ready.

Fast forward a few years later to present. I can now admit that I have found what works for me and what my body has agreed with. On March 3rd 2014, I turned to the No Sugar No Grains lifestyle. I hit it hard and in addition to that my friend from high school Ryan Spiteri who owns in own gym in Madison Height, MI called Garage Muscle Athletic Group  reached out and stated that he wanted to help save my life. I decided the time was good as any to change my lifestyle.

It’s hard for me to sit and type this cause from my perspective it seems like Déjà vu all over again. Jess loses a lot of weight, falls off the wagon, and gains it all back plus some.

I’m not perfect by any means. This is however my comeback, this is my weight loss journey and I feel better than ever about the choices I’ve made and the process I took to do get here.

I didn’t think that my weight loss journey was ever really going to succeed until I had something to offer to the community and people that look at me for support in their own journey. I never took success seriously. I wanted the story without writing the book.

I always tried to do this for someone else or something else. Never for myself. I tried to make my main focus and motivation on something or someone else instead of myself. I went about it all wrong. I’m being very selfish this time around and if that means sacrifices with my family and friends because working out is more important or eating right to me is now more important than that’s the approach I have to take.

weight loss journeyThis is a journey and one that I’m finally doing for myself. The reward will be a longer and healthier life with my wife and family. Success that I always knew with the right tools I could carry out and finally the determination to not quit or give up.

To date I’ve lost roughly 75+lbs since March 3rd with another weight check in on the 31st. I’ll be updating the site with more results.

I’ve learned so much about myself and what I never really thought I could do in the past couple of months and I thank the people involved for giving me the tools to do so.

I always said I would be back and after taking a year off from blogging, I can finally say that I’m back. back to contribute to the weight loss community

I now live by my own quote

“Stop Making Life Your Excuse, Make Life Your Reason”


I Survived the Pizza Buffet (NSV POST)

santa1 So Amy, Shelby & I met my family (Brother, Mother, Sister-in-law, nice & nephew) at a pizza buffet for dinner and Santa. Each year Santa shows up to the pizza buffet to put smiles on the faces of young children. But this time there, I felt a little awkward. Why?

Pizza is my trigger food.

I was nervous to be honest. Me nervous around food? Yeah it was an odd feeling

and one that I’ve never really experienced before. I was conscious of what I was eating tonight. I had set a goal of how much I was going to eat and I stuck to it. After entering my food into my log I was under my calorie goal for the day and couldn’t be much happier.

This is about me learning to still be able to go out to eat. This was the first time in 15 days that we have went out for dinner and I succeeded.

This is part of the learning process and I’m chalking this up as a NSV. I easily could have gone up to that buffet line 4 or 5 times. tonight I went up once and spent the rest of the time enjoying being with my family.

I am still trying to process the awkward feeling of it either being that I was around the food I love and couldn’t eat it like I normally do. Was it the fact that I’m trying to watch what I eat and worrying what others may think? Or was it some of the guilt feeling because I was eating the food that put me at 523 pounds like I was the start of Jan?

santa2This is and will be an everyday battle for me for a lifetime. I will learn stuff about me that I’ve never known before. Some of it I will be ready for and others I’ll not know what to do with myself but I will learn from them.

I ate pizza and I’m in a good mood afterwards. Normally the feeling in the past was that I was happy at the moment and psst at the after. I guess it’s different when the after was a large pizza, full order of bread sticks and a 2 liter.



Finding Ways to Hit Your Goals

goal-objective-settingSo this last Tuesday I was set out to achieve 3 goals

1. Balance my calories for all meals to try and eat the same amount each meal or load up on breakfast and split the rest.

2. Blog about my guilt with binge eating

3. Hit 5000 steps each day on my Fitbit.

I think I succeed except the 3rd goal was a challenge at least on the weekends. Being that it was raining and Amy was working. Shelby & I were locked up in the house. I had plans to take her for walks to help with my steps but with the weather the way it was, it was not an option. I thought about trying to compete with the mad rushes at the malls but not as an excuse I decided not too.

What I did do however to reach my steps goal was both yesterday and tonight I walked around both Meijer & Walmart.

We had some things to pick up at Meijer last night and decided to walk around and just browse so that I could get my steps in. While there I seen the most awesome moment in the light of all the negative that’s been going on. I wanted so bad to take a picture but avoided as to not be rude. There were about 5 firemen strolling the store with lists & carts full with gifts.

Today we had grocery shopping to do so that’s where my steps came in there. Nothing real exciting to report happened here…lol

I know I can hit the gym, I have nothing wrong with doing so. I’m even paying for a gym membership. Right now, I’m taking the baby steps approach. Instead of Amy running out and doing this stuff by her self, I asked her both nights that I’d like to come along to get my step count goal.

I’m making small changes in my behaviors that I know will have a big impact in this process. The gym is not going anywhere and when my beast mode kicks in for the gym, I’ll be there. Trust me. Until then I’m learning to adapt to the smaller goals so that the bigger ones will be even more rewarding and that I won’t give up.


Imagine Not Feeling The Guilt

guilt1I wanted to post something where I go in depth on some of the struggles I have with my food addiction and binge eating disorder. I wanted to take you for a second into my world and just for a second, hope I could paint a vivid picture of just exactly what it is that I’m trying to overcome on my journey.

Imagine thinking about food or associating food with everything. Imagine thinking about food before it’s even time to eat. Imagine thinking about food and putting that first before anything else. Also think about food after you just got done eating.

I’m not even done yet….

Think about rushing through your dinner and eating it as fast as you can because you want to get to the desert but you won’t skip eating all your dinner first.

Think about going too fast food places and ordering two peoples worth of food just for yourselves and ordering two drinks hoping that the server at the window will hopefully think that your bringing it home for two people to eat.

Imagine your spouse in this case my wife in another room or lying in bed and you want to eat something so bad late at night but don’t want her to know and you go into the kitchen and run the water in the sink because you think it distorts the noise of you going into the pantry and fumbling the bag of cookies of opening the fridge to get something out of it.

Imagine being able to find anything in the house and throw it all together to make a meal. I mean stuff that no one has even heard of before and put it in a bowl and eat it.

Imagine eating breakfast, lunch, and before you get home for dinner, going through a drive threw and getting food and then still coming home and eating dinner.

Now imagine that you know all of this and you know in your head what it will do to you but you don’t stop it. Before during and then after…..Only after Feeling The Guilt. Even then you don’t stop you continue to do these same habits. You have molded into this person that just doesn’t give a shit…..Or do you? Maybe you think you have all the answers and maybe you do for a short period of time only to realize that you give in and go right back to the same routine.

I don’t have to imagine any of this. I have lived it for 20-30 years. I could say I’m done with it all. No way I’m ever going to do this again. If I said that and I have in the past I would be lying. I have lied. Many times over.

Now….Imagine if I learned how to deal with it. Recognize when it’s coming. Learn how to not beat it cause it can never be beat but learn how to adapt to it that it will always be there but finding other things to get in its way.

All I can say is that in asking for help I have taken one big step in IMAGINING THAT  I WILL……




Friend Making Mondays

Hello All I've never participated in FMM with my friend Kenlie from All The Weigh, But being that Xmas means a lot to my family & I, I decided I would get involved in this one. for those of you not familiar, instructions are at the end of this post. Please join in. It helps connect a lot of bloggers together.

1. How will you celebrate the holidays this year? I have to work the day before and the day after this year. Bummer. Xmas eve will be with the in-laws and brother and sisters in laws and the nieces & nephews on my wifes side. Xmas day will be spent in the morning with my family. My mom borther, sister in law and my niece and nephews. The afternoon of Xmas day will be at my wifes aunts house where everyone gets together.Christmas Questions

2. What’s the weather currently like where you live? No white stuff as of yet and I'm ok with that. I can tell I'm getting older though as the cold weather effects me a lot different than when I was younger.

3. Do you decorate your home for the holidays? If so, share a picture please! My wife does do some decorating. I know she would want me to get out side and decorate but I'm just too chicken shit to be climbing ladders and my artistic skills are lacking….lol

4. What is your favorite Christmas movie? Ralphie………nuff said.

5. What is your favorite Christmas songs? Drummer boy, but my rap version of here comes baby jeasus is a hit. You can find it on ITunes….lmao

6. Do you have an advent calendar? um no

7. Do you prefer color lights or white lights? white lights. Our tree broke this year and we had to borrow from our in-laws and they have colored lights. not against it, just perfer all white lights on the tree, Outside on houses needs color though.

8. What is your favorite food to eat over the holidays? My mothers tradition of Italian Sausage and Pasta Noodles

9. Do you display a live tree, or do you prefer fake trees?

Fake. Never really had a real tree and from what I read and here, they're a lot of work.

10. What would you need to make your holiday perfect this year? Just being surrounded by family & friends. The strength to get through without binge eating and fighting temptation of all the good food and treats I'll be around.

Now it’s your turn to answer this week’s questions!

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s questions on your own blog then add your link in the comments section at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts.


Remembering My Dad

Today would have been my fathers 66th birthday. I just wanted to share a few posts with you all in honor of my Dad. My Dad passed on in Feb of 2008 from Pancreatic Cancer. Your gone but never forgotten Dad. I love and  miss you badly. I hope somebody got you a fifth of So Co and a bag of orange slices for ya up there.

A letter to my Dad. (this has been the most popular searched and read post on my site to date)

Honoring my Hero is how I learned about Christmas and who Santa Claus really was. (spoiler alert for all you Santa believers)